We talk about “overthinking” as if the problem is just having too many thoughts. But we don’t have multiple thoughts at the same time. So what is overthinking? The real problem is becoming trapped in self-reference. Attention folding back in on itself. Experience being filtered through commentary, interpretation, judgement and analysis.

I know this well. I’ve been to the edge of (and out of) my mind before. I can still occasionally disappear into my own head for hours while appearing fine and functional. Part of me will be scanning, modelling, tracking patterns, noticing implications and trying to understand what’s really going on underneath, which is great sometimes. But it’s intelligence at a cost. Analysis replacing being alive.

I might walk through the countryside without registering it because I’m busy thinking about myself walking through the countryside. I might have a conversation while simultaneously monitoring how I’m coming across. I sit in silence but can’t actually arrive in silence because the mind instantly colonises the moment with interpretation. So the world becomes secondary to the internal simulation of the world.

Modern culture increasingly rewards the mastery of a curated internal simulation over authentic, unedited reality. By incentivising engagement with algorithms, curated digital personas, and quantified metrics, society quietly pushes us to optimise for how things appear rather than what they truly mean.

This is without considering the increasingly prevalent sensory overwhelm or social shutdown.

Hyper-reflection gets mistaken for wisdom. Chronic vigilance gets framed as insight. Endless psychological analysis of self and others becomes a kind of identity. There is a point where the mind turns predatory and starts feeding on experience instead of participating in it.

That is the part we rarely talk about.

However, the studies are emerging and it’s not pretty.

There’s also arrogance in overthinking. An assumption that reality has to pass through the mind before it can be trusted. Everything has to be processed, contextualised, understood and integrated before it is allowed to exist. The irony being this often destroys appreciation itself.

You can’t fully experience a cold wind, a piece of music, another human being or even your own body if half your attention is busy constructing explanations about the experience while it is happening. “Put your phones down!” musicians and performers shout, and the fourth wall is destroyed for everyone.

The analytical layer becomes so dominant that direct contact starts thinning out.

And then comes the second trap. You notice you are overthinking, so you start overthinking the overthinking. You try to become more present. You monitor your mindfulness. You evaluate your awareness. Now the self-consciousness has doubled in size and you’re even further from reality than before.

I don’t think the answer is to “stop thinking.” That’s useless advice for people whose minds are naturally intense, associative and structurally oriented. It was never the goal of what we call meditation either. Some people are built to think deeply. The problem is not depth. The problem is capture.

For me, the things that really interrupt the mind’s grip are activities that drag attention back into contact with the world. Yes, daily meditation. Walking helps. Riding my motorbike helps because weather, movement and risk force perception outward again. Photography and art helps because they anchor my attention in what’s actually arising, rather than what is being internally narrated about what’s arising.

What I have slowly realised is that appreciation is not something you manufacture through insight. It’s what remains when the grip of self-reference loosens slightly.

Most of life is not hiding behind some final conceptual breakthrough. It’s already happening while the mind is busy trying to master it.

I wonder how many thoughtful people secretly postpone living because they’re trying to arrive at complete coherence first. They want to finally understand themselves well enough before relaxing into existence. But that finish line never arrives. The mind will always generate another layer, another interpretation, another unresolved contradiction.

Life keeps moving.

A lot of peace might simply come from allowing experience to land before immediately converting it into meaning. Not becoming anti-intellectual. Not abandoning reflection. Just recovering the ability to participate in reality before dissecting it.

Sounds simple, but it isn’t. For some of us, the mind has become so overdeveloped that it behaves almost like a survival strategy. It keeps scanning because scanning once mattered. It keeps analysing because analysis once protected our vulnerability. But eventually the same mechanism that protected awareness starts consuming it.

It’s hard realising our own intelligence can be a barrier to contact, when it never switches itself off.

First, I have to tell you the Systemic Coaching and Constellations course I’m on with TWP is simply amazong. What a community. I’m also so fortunate to have just done Joe Hudson’s Art of Accomplishment …and about to go on another Circle of Trust retreat!

More about my experiences on these mind-blowing development courses coming soon, but first….our ADA Course!

Since launching earlier this month, 43 professionals have enrolled and the new course has received 20 reviews with an average rating of 4.8! We're also delighted that Udemy has awarded it Hot & New status!

The launch offer finishes in a few days, so here’s a final reminder in case you've been meaning to take a look. You can find the course here.

It’s designed for therapists, counsellors, coaches, health professionals and anyone interested in a more relational, neurodiversity-affirming approach to working with autistic people.

Oh, almost forgot!

I’m very pleased to have just been featured on the Counselling Tutor podcast with Rory Lees-Oakes about my book.

Listen to the interview - from 33:13.

Thank you to everyone who has supported the launch so far.

Best wishes, stay cool.

Jonny

ps. I’ve opened up my diary for easy meetings, if you fancy checking in about anything around the course, coaching, supervision or anything else. Don’t be shy!

Talk to me

Autism is less of a disorder than a way of being, which modern society doesn’t know what to do with – except name it.

It’s naive to call autism a superpower. Some aspects of autism can be profoundly disabling depending on the person. But there comes a point where autism stops being a broken version of a neuronormative human. Different questions then need asking – about pacing, intensity and social performance. Why is directness treated as rudeness while strategic dishonesty is treated as maturity? Why do some people seem to experience language more transactionally while others experience it almost atmospherically or existentially? You know the score.

Autistic people are forced into a kind of anthropological relationship with society very early on, sometimes from the cradle. Watching. Studying. Translating. Camouflaging. Trying to work out invisible rules everyone else appears to know automatically. It’s where the cultural phrase wrong planet comes from. Over time it can create extraordinary perception, alongside enormous exhaustion and fragmentation.

The problem is that since autism got framed purely medically, society only sees impairment and misses epistemology - the knowing of it. It misses the actual structure of experience - that this might not simply be a malfunctioning version of the dominant neurotype but a genuinely different orientation toward perception, meaning, attention, communication and relationship.

None of this removes disability, but it can radically alter where we think disability actually is situated. It’s not just inside the autistic person.

It’s between two worlds.

So yeh, let’s break it down.

Firstly, the Pros.

Autism, when viewed as a way of being rather than a disorder, invites us to appreciate the rich diversity of human experience and cognition. It represents a distinct neurological and cognitive profile that is part of the natural spectrum of human diversity. Here’s a description of autism as a way of being:

1. Unique Perspective: Autistic individuals often have a unique way of perceiving and interacting with the world. They may notice details and patterns that neurotypical individuals might overlook. This different perspective can lead to innovative thinking and problem-solving.

2. Sensory Sensitivity: Many autistic people have heightened sensory sensitivity, which means they experience the world with more intensity. This can include sensitivity to sounds, textures, tastes, and lights. These heightened senses can provide a deep and vivid experience of the environment.

3. Intense Focus: Autistic people often exhibit intense interests and passions. They can immerse themselves in specific topics, hobbies, or activities with remarkable dedication and expertise. This intense focus can lead to significant contributions in various fields.

4. Honest Communication: Autistic people often value straightforward and honest communication. They may express their thoughts and feelings with sincerity and clarity, which can be refreshing in a world where social norms sometimes obscure true intentions.

5. Diverse Communication Styles: While some autistic people may face challenges with spoken language, they often have rich and diverse communication styles. Nonverbal communication, such as using gestures, writing, art, or assistive technologies, can be equally expressive and meaningful.

6. Empathy and Compassion: Contrary to stereotypes, many autistic people are highly empathetic and compassionate. They may have a deep understanding of the emotions and needs of others, even if they express it in unconventional ways.

7. Routine and Predictability: Autistic people often find comfort in routines and predictability. These routines can provide a sense of stability and security in an otherwise chaotic world.

8. Unique Talents and Strengths: The autism spectrum encompasses a wide range of talents and strengths. Some people excel in mathematics, science, music, art, or other areas. Their unique abilities can contribute significantly to various fields and industries.

9. Advocacy and Neurodiversity: Autistic self-advocates have played a crucial role in promoting the concept of neurodiversity. This perspective emphasises the value of neurological differences, including autism, and encourages society to embrace and accommodate this diversity rather than pathologise it.

10. Different, Not Less: Viewing autism as a way of being reminds us that being neurologically different is not a deficit but rather a distinct way of experiencing and contributing to the world. Autistic people have much to offer in terms of their perspectives, talents, and insights.

Understanding autism as a way of being encourages us to celebrate the unique strengths and perspectives of autistic individuals and to create a more inclusive and accepting society that values neurodiversity. It reminds us that diversity in all its forms enriches our world and enhances our collective human experience.

The Cons.

While autism can indeed be viewed as a way of being with its unique strengths and perspectives, it’s essential to acknowledge that some aspects of autism can be disabling in certain contexts or environments. These disabling aspects can be significant barriers to an individual’s daily life, social interactions, and overall well-being. Here’s an exploration of some of these disabling aspects:

1. Communication Challenges: Many autistic people face difficulties in verbal and non-verbal communication. Some may struggle with speech delays, difficulty in understanding and using body language, or expressing emotions in socially expected ways. These challenges can hinder effective communication and lead to social isolation.

2. Sensory Overload: While heightened sensory sensitivity can offer a unique perspective on the world, it can also lead to sensory overload in certain environments. Bright lights, loud noises, or overwhelming textures can be distressing and lead to anxiety or meltdowns.

3. Social Interaction Difficulties: Autism often involves challenges in understanding social norms, reading social cues, and forming meaningful relationships. Autistic people may struggle with making eye contact, engaging in reciprocal conversations, or grasping the nuances of social interactions.

4. Repetitive Behaviors: Autistic people may engage in repetitive behaviors or routines, which can limit their flexibility and adaptability in new or unpredictable situations. These behaviors can also draw unwanted attention or lead to exclusion from social activities.

5. Executive Functioning Issues: Difficulties in executive functioning, such as organsing tasks, managing time, and setting priorities, can impact an individual’s ability to plan and complete daily activities, including school or work tasks.

6. Anxiety and Emotional Regulation: Many autistic people experience heightened anxiety and difficulty regulating their emotions. This can manifest as intense anxiety in social situations, sensory-related anxiety, or difficulty coping with changes in routine.

7. Limited Perspective-Taking: Difficulty in understanding the perspectives and emotions of others can lead to misunderstandings and challenges in forming and maintaining relationships. It may be hard for autistic individuals to empathise or respond appropriately to others’ needs.

8. Stigmatisation and Discrimination: Society’s lack of understanding and acceptance of autism can lead to discrimination and stigmatisation. Autistic people may face barriers in education, employment, and social inclusion due to the biases and misconceptions held by others.

9. Co-occurring Conditions: Many autistic people also have co-occurring conditions, such as anxiety disorders, depression, ADHD, or epilepsy, which can further complicate their daily lives and well-being.

10. Dependence on Support: Depending on the severity of their challenges, some autistic people may require various forms of support, including speech therapy, occupational therapy, or behavioral interventions, to lead fulfilling lives.

It’s important to recognise that not all autistic individuals will experience the same disabling aspects, and the degree of disability can vary significantly from person to person. Moreover, understanding and accommodating these challenges is crucial in promoting inclusivity and ensuring that autistic individuals can participate fully in society. Supporting neurodiversity means not only celebrating the strengths of autism but also addressing and mitigating the disabling aspects to enhance the overall quality of life for autistic individuals.

Perhaps the real task is not to decide whether autism is entirely gift or entirely disability, but to become capable of holding both without collapsing into simplification.

Autistic people are not abstract concepts in a culture war. We are human beings trying to exist coherently inside a world that often moves too fast, communicates too indirectly and rewards forms of adaptation that can come at immense personal cost.

To understand autism more deeply may require more than awareness or acceptance language. It may require a rethinking of what counts as communication, intelligence, reciprocity, selfhood and even sanity within modern culture.

And maybe that is why autism unsettles society so much.

Not simply because autistic people are different, but because their existence quietly exposes how narrow many of our assumptions about “normal” have become.

And some of us do this intentionally.

Not because we want to be difficult or oppositional (usually), but because after years of masking, translating and self-erasure, there can come a point where continuing to perform neuronormativity starts to feel psychologically and spiritually incoherent.

So the camouflage loosens, the scripts weaken, and the deeper questions emerge.

Suddenly autism is no longer merely a diagnosis.

It’s a different way of being.

My new course on Udemy

Discount code: ‘LAUNCH-ADA’

How’s it going? I know — daft question.

I’ve been working on something over the past few months that I wanted to share with you.

It’s called The Autism Dialogue Approach Foundations Course and will be launched on Udemy next Friday! It’s a unique autism & neurodiversity professional communication and dialogue training. Katie (my incredible better half) has been helping me organise things, and we are both really excited about the launch!

The short foundational course is designed for therapists, coaches, and health professionals who want to improve their communication and build trust with autistic, neurodivergent and highly sensitive clients.

If it’s not for you, you probably know someone who would benefit!

We are hoping that the course will change people, not only in the way we engage, but also in how we become more comfortable with our own vulnerabilities and even our built-in prejudices (we all have them).

There are some refreshing, robust theories from autistic …

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“A man may be born, but in order to be born he must first die, and in order to die he must first awake.” - G.I Gurdjieff

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In 1988 autistic self-advocate and founder of Autism Network International (ANI) Jim Sinclair referred to the “two-way street” nature of communication challenges. The philosopher Ian Hacking wrote about the “looping effect” in 2009, touching upon the reciprocal, two-way effects of interaction and understanding between society and individuals. Damian Milton coined the “ Double Empathy Problem in 2012. And research is increasingly recognising that these misunderstandings run both ways. (Williams et al., 2021)

Evidence shows that a vast majority of autistic adults reported negative experiences in therapy, with experiences often stemming from a lack of therapist knowledge about autism, the application of inappropriate therapeutic models, and an emphasis on masking. (Jubenville-Wood et al, 2023).

It’s nearly 40 years since Sinclair suggested understanding across neurotypes goes two ways.

Both autistic and non-autistic people can struggle to see t…

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In 2024, I was a guest on Jessica Ball’s Lost in Language podcast. Jessica is a specialist facilitator, author, and educator, and like me, has a deep interest in Bohm Dialogue, a transformative, non-hierarchical communication method originally developed by quantum physicist David Bohm. I’m grateful for the conversation as it clarified one tiny idea I’ve been circling for years. What follows is my attempt to explain this more clearly.

Bohm believed that society breaks down when we focus too much on surface-level divisions and lose sight of the deeper connections that unite us. Bohm described the explicate order as the world of separate objects, identities, constructs and fragments, while the implicate order is the deeper pattern from which those fragments come. For Bohm, fragmentation wasn’t just political— but also cognitive. When we treat the explicate order as most important, we mistake parts for wholes and try to defend them.

This distinction has illu…

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Facilitating the first autism dialogue groups nearly ten years ago, I had an acute sense of “perpetuating the myth” — precarious stuff. The paradox of working in the autism field is that the more I realise it’s relational, the more individualised things feel.

In our progressive societies, we claim to be moving beyond deficit models but autism work is still organised around diagnosing, supporting, categorising and identifying the person, including ourselves. Institutions need stable nouns, of course - people need support. Forms need boxes. Funding needs a problem it can point to. And people need identities and explanations, which at a later age, often comes as a mixture of relief and confusion, followed by a few years of unravelling.

Yet, somehow, the relational view dissolves the very units the system is designed to manage. What exactly is the neurodiversity movement diversifying from anyway?

I’ve always tended to see in patterns rather than in parts. …

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In my previous piece, I wrote about the types of minds that hold many things at once, that stay oriented through breadth, depth and movement, rather than narrowing. I didn’t mean multitasking, but the internal workings of the mind. If awareness itself can be broad and mobile, can stillness still be considered a universal approach? For many autistic and ADHD people, it simply isn’t, and seeing it that way creates unnecessary confusion and self-doubt.

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Why I don’t really have attention deficit, and maybe neither do you.

OK, you’re going to hear what it’s like in my head, so be warned. My attention is often broad and deep. I’ll be walking, working, or listening to someone speak, and suddenly my mind opens out. Thoughts, images, memories, associations, and half-formed questions arrive together, layered and simultaneous, a moving pattern of mental energy, and like a room filled with light from every direction at once. It can be a bit awkward when in the wrong company, so I’ve often masked it, then told myself off aft…

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“An insightful perspective!”
– Dr. Temple Grandin

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Have you had that feeling of going back somewhere and realising it doesn’t quite fit you anymore?

Christmas has a way of doing that. A return to your hometown with familiar streets, rooms, conversations, yet something in you resists. A quiet sense you’re being asked to step back into an old shape.

A couple of years ago, after several months in the French and Spanish countryside, that feeling hit me hard. Coming back to Sheffield wasn’t a gentle re-entry. It was noise, pace, traffic, memory, all at once. My body reacted before my thoughts did, and everything rattled.

Pathologising myself hasn’t really ever helped me, even when I didn’t know what else to do with the knowing.

My Sufi sheikh used to say, “Cities are giant mental hospitals.” I laughed when I first heard it but exactly knew what he meant. It his charismatic way, it was deliberately provocative. Coming back felt like stepping into a storm I’d forgotten.

For weeks, my only focus was my inn…

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I interviewed Steve Silberman a few years ago, in a conversation that wandered, looped, went off down musical and mystical side-roads, then found its way back. I didn’t realise then how much I’d return to it. Steve died, and I was genuinely upset. Many people were. NeuroTribes mattered to a lot of us, not just as a book, but as a corrective historical document, we were relieved and still, when it’s mentioned the air lights up. I’m not embarrassed to say I loved Steve Silberman, in the way you love someone who made it easier to breathe. He was a true gentleman.

Re-watching this conversation now, I can see how deeply it intersects with my own work, especially my ongoing attempt to create spaces for dialogue rather than ideology around autism, identity, and difference.

There Is No Such Thing as “Autism” (and Why That Matters)

At one point in the conversation, Steve says something that still lands with a thud:

“There is nothing called autism in the objective world.”

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But did you ever wonder how Dialogue facilitation really works?

A wise Buddhist teacher, Ajahn Chah, once said,

“We practice to learn how to let go, not how to increase our holding on to things. Enlightenment comes when you stop wanting anything. Remember you don’t meditate to get anything, but to get rid of things. We do it, not with desire but with letting go. If you want anything, you won’t find it.”

This is a very powerful position to take in meditation, because your depth of acceptance is key, once the parameters are set (basically, that you’ve shown up and set your time etc.). Moreover, letting go is important in any practice to do with humanness and especially in communication processes. We all need to communicate the best we can, and perhaps this is also the area i…

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In my new book ‘The Autism Dialogue Approach Handbook’ (Routledge, 2025), I suggest that autism dysfunction should be reconceptualised as relational rather than individual. (p.130), where relational refers to the environment, or other people or both. This isn’t just the social model of disability, it’s serious, and backed by social-cognition philosophers such as Lori Hogenkamp with her Stress Adaptation Theory (linked to her ‘Peripheral Minds of Autism’) and Hanne De Jaegher’s work on autism, Enaction and Participatory Sense Making. Without any conjecture we can assume Carl Rogers, the originator of the person-centred approach, was inadvertently alluding to Enaction theory when in his pragmatic yet enigmatic way, famously said, “What is most personal is most universal.” Bringing these emerging thoughts into the helping professions, I invite Michael Bader’s Psychology Today article “The Difference Between Coaching and Therapy Is Greatly Overstated” (2009), where he challenges the commo…

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An increasing number of the newly autism-diagnosed are left without choice but to either die, self-medicate or self-advocate, whilst struggling with the stigma the new identity brings, on top of all their existing issues. Some choose ‘neurodivergence’ as a handy term for sitting on the fence (whilst waiting in some cases up to two years for a diagnosis), knowing they are different, and others wonder what exactly it is they are meant to be diverging from.

In her fabulous Peripheral Minds theory, which describes how we traditionally used to live in communities and not question the unusual, Lori Hogenkamp asks ‘Could naturally occurring personality differences create a vulnerable subset of the population?’ (2009).

The very name autism, meaning self-ism (autos is the only element), suggests existence is restricted to the self and yet to be autistic is not to be totally self-enclosed at all, but open, potentially vulnerable to all sorts of outside influences’ (McGrath, J. 2016). Having an au…

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Update: - the book is now out (April 2025)!

The Autism Dialogue Approach Handbook was originally proposed with 80,000 words. What was I thinking? A shorter version has been accepted and I’ve now got 35k down but I’m out of energy, with an extended deadline for the completed manuscript fast approaching. Family and friends are saying “just do it!”, and “you’re just bored, get up early and do two hours.” and “just treat it like a job.” and such like, except that is, for my mom, who the other day said, “Don’t do it. Life’s too short for doing anything we don’t want to do.” Thanks Mum, I agree. But my future income relies on getting this idea out on paperback, hardback and ebook formats, as promised in the contract.

This feeling of lethargy is on a level I’ve never known. Once I felt like there was a physical wall stopping me, exclaiming, “Why the fuck should I have to write a book explaining to people how to communicate? They should already know!”

The next day however, I wrote for a few hour…

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I first encountered the wonderfully intriguing concept of ‘atopos’ back in 2018, in Hannah Ebben’s study, The Possibility of Counter-Metaphors in Representations of Space in Filmic Personal Accounts on Autism (2015).

The problem is, I can’t find her.

The term atopos, meaning ‘strange’ or ‘out of place,’ closely parallels autism in its etymological roots, as both words evoke a sense of spatial dislocation (a-topos meaning “no-place”) and autopioesis ~ first used in 1972 by Maturana and Varela to describe the self-maintaining chemistry of living cells and since been applied to systems theory and sociology, informing enaction theory and participatory sense-making.

Atopos is also the root of words like atopia, which conveys the idea of a world without borders (Foucault, 1995). This spatial metaphor can serve as a lens through which to examine the discourse of autism in cu…

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